so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm passing your future prison.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
