The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
