One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
