I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
