Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
