Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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