obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
