I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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