Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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