Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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