Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
