i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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