I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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