what day is it and did you see me today?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
