Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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