is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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