there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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