I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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