I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
