I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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