i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
sarcasm needs its own font
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
