when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
