dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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