How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
