I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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