do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
