"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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