I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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