oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
