I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
