I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
