I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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