Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
