Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
