Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This is the high leading the old right now
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
