He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
