I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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