wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have aggressive nipples.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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