hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
