This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
