I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
