so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
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Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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