Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize