She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize