hotel room ftw
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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