Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
