we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
