Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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