I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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