Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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