i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
