AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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