Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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