I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
