Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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