you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize