Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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