Dual....:-)
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
