i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need to calm my uterus...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
