there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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