hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
