my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
