This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
