Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
