Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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